http://www.metrolyrics.com/2010-singer-john-mayer-looking-to-date-heidi-montag-news.html
Ok, John Mayer, if you are reading this: Don't do it.
There are STANDARDS, bro.
Blonde, plastic and FUCKING STUPID are not qualifications for girlfriend material.
Dude, I'm serious. "Very conservative, old-fashioned girl from Colorado" my Scottish-mixed ASS!
Have any of you seen this broad on TV?
I have never watched the Hills in my entire life, but I know enough about her to tell you she's fucking annoying and stupid.
I myself, used to date STRICTLY BLONDES un the myth that they are stupid and thus they don't argue as much.
What they don't tell you is it gets REAL OLD REAL FAST and blondes tend to be stupid to the point of psychosis(i.e. my ex "Katie").
Heck, you blew it with Jenn Anniston. DUDE THE EPITOME OF COUGARS!
Reowrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr............
Heck go for...hmm who's single and hot in Hollywood....
Blake Livel...no she's blonde...well.....at least he's not going for any of those Jersey Shore bitches.
Don't worry John Mayer, we'll find you a chick. STAY TUNED!
WAIT! I GOT AN IDEA! Let's find John Mayer a latina! YEAH DUDE They'll rip him apart!
Ok, til next time,
Xander, out.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
HyPeRaCtIvE
Some updates:
Once again, moved. Loving it.
Mom's leaving the hospital...
I recently "Ghost Wrote" for a "CustomersSuck.com" forum using a alias.
BUT a friend recently inspired me to write about something few people know about, a tainted aspect of my childhood that took place just before my 13th birthday....
HYPERACTIVE by Xander
So, neurogical disorders and learning "difficulties" runs rampant in my bloodline. My sister is arguably bipolar, my brother had(has?) learning difficulties, My dad is a sociopath, and my mom suffers from Depression?
Then there is me: Hi. I'm Xander, I'm 29 years old and when I was a kid I was Diagnosed with a fairly new not-known-nor-recognized concept: I had Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.
Explains alot huh? Up until Age 15 even I had seen endless counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and had taken more ritalin and cylert and Zoloft to start my own street pharmacy(or heck, a drug cartel).
Flashforward to Age 12: I was, after many years in private schools, sent back to Public School.
I thought it would be cool but, I was in for a shock. I had zero friends,was very shy, and I was not used to the fast-paced kill-or-be-killed world that was 7th grade in a city public school filled with rich snobby kids.
Towards the end, my parents recognized my slipping grades, dark demeanor, and quest for isolation. The school psychologist and counselors had told my parents they had cause for concern, and before I know it, courtesy of my at-the-time-psychiatrist "Dr. Pete" sent to a outpatient program at Presbyterian Hospital.
At first, they made it sound cool. He pitched it like a car salesman: I would be out of my classes, but I would be viewed as "present" in school attendance, and my grades too. It was small, with kids just like me, with group counseling and confidence training(we did some trust falls,etc), and, like any other school, I was one by 3 in the afternoon.
But as summer began, the other kids began to be "discharged": going to camps,etc.
Dr. Donald on the other hand, even though I felt normal again, decided to keep me. But where the heck would they put me? I was the only one in the "Outpatient" aspect of the program?
To the "INPATIENT" Unit, thats where AKA A CHILDRENS PSYCHE WARD!
This place had some kids with REAL ISSUES. What sucked was, because I was 12, I couldn't associate with the "Ads": Adolecents: age 13 and up. The "Pre ads" were nowhere near my age: a 5 year old and a 8 year old. Welcome to Hell.
Naturally I picked up on the differences: I was looked upon with more scrutiny: it was rare for a outpatient to have contact with the inpatients. The rules were stricter: i got 15 minutes "time out" and a 1-on-1 counseling session with the on site counselor for giving another patient a "high five"(No joke).
I began to rebel. I constantly complained to Dr. Donald and my mom: Get me out of here. I'm not LIKE them. These kids are FUCKED(ok so I didn't say THAT exactly but you know what I mean).
Mom, did hear me out: I was schedualed for discharge after weeks of extensive evaluation.
Then came my 13th birthday. It was lunch time, and rather than order(or settle) for their shitty ass hospital food, I said "Don't worry about it I'll eat when I get home."
"Why are you not eating?"
"Because this food is horrible."
"Eat. Now."
"Dude, don't sweat it. I'll EAT later"
"No. You will eat now."
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
Now, for those of you that are or have teenagers, this no longer cuts it. I needed justification, which, they were not cutting.
"Why can't I just eat later and you leave me alone?"
"Because I said so" said the Therapist. "Why are you giving attitude?"
"Because I said so..." I said defiantly, grabbing a Mountain Dew out of my backpack and popping the top. He took it from me("HEY!") and tossed it in the trash. "I'll order for you..."
and then he proceeded tog et from the cafeteria what was labeled "Shrimp" that was gross, and cold.
I , became pissed off.
End result? Dr. Pete RECCOMENDED TO MY MOM TO SCRAP MY DISCHARGE!
13 year olds usually go to camp in summer. Not me, I was STUCK IN A MENTAL WARD.
And now that I was 13, I was stuck with the other teenagers who were much older and had some serious EVEN WORSE problems: one was in and out due to repeated suicide attempts, another blonde chick(age: 17) had run ins with the law and drugs. Now being a pre-ad was starting to not seem so bad....
Finally, I was being discharged at beginning of August because we were moving to California, and the rest, is history.
Now that I am getting ready to be married and have my own family, I wills ay this: I love my mom, but there are some things that are hard to forgive.
If you think your child may have Learning disorders, get them checked out. And if your child is angry, upset, or disagrees, don't be afraid to hear them out, because BELIEVE ME it beats having your son or daughter spend their summer in a mental house.
Til next time,
Xander, out.
PS: I'm never having my kid put on ANY medication unless THEY ABSOLUTELY NEED IT: ritalin SUCKED!
Once again, moved. Loving it.
Mom's leaving the hospital...
I recently "Ghost Wrote" for a "CustomersSuck.com" forum using a alias.
BUT a friend recently inspired me to write about something few people know about, a tainted aspect of my childhood that took place just before my 13th birthday....
HYPERACTIVE by Xander
So, neurogical disorders and learning "difficulties" runs rampant in my bloodline. My sister is arguably bipolar, my brother had(has?) learning difficulties, My dad is a sociopath, and my mom suffers from Depression?
Then there is me: Hi. I'm Xander, I'm 29 years old and when I was a kid I was Diagnosed with a fairly new not-known-nor-recognized concept: I had Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder.
Explains alot huh? Up until Age 15 even I had seen endless counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and had taken more ritalin and cylert and Zoloft to start my own street pharmacy(or heck, a drug cartel).
Flashforward to Age 12: I was, after many years in private schools, sent back to Public School.
I thought it would be cool but, I was in for a shock. I had zero friends,was very shy, and I was not used to the fast-paced kill-or-be-killed world that was 7th grade in a city public school filled with rich snobby kids.
Towards the end, my parents recognized my slipping grades, dark demeanor, and quest for isolation. The school psychologist and counselors had told my parents they had cause for concern, and before I know it, courtesy of my at-the-time-psychiatrist "Dr. Pete" sent to a outpatient program at Presbyterian Hospital.
At first, they made it sound cool. He pitched it like a car salesman: I would be out of my classes, but I would be viewed as "present" in school attendance, and my grades too. It was small, with kids just like me, with group counseling and confidence training(we did some trust falls,etc), and, like any other school, I was one by 3 in the afternoon.
But as summer began, the other kids began to be "discharged": going to camps,etc.
Dr. Donald on the other hand, even though I felt normal again, decided to keep me. But where the heck would they put me? I was the only one in the "Outpatient" aspect of the program?
To the "INPATIENT" Unit, thats where AKA A CHILDRENS PSYCHE WARD!
This place had some kids with REAL ISSUES. What sucked was, because I was 12, I couldn't associate with the "Ads": Adolecents: age 13 and up. The "Pre ads" were nowhere near my age: a 5 year old and a 8 year old. Welcome to Hell.
Naturally I picked up on the differences: I was looked upon with more scrutiny: it was rare for a outpatient to have contact with the inpatients. The rules were stricter: i got 15 minutes "time out" and a 1-on-1 counseling session with the on site counselor for giving another patient a "high five"(No joke).
I began to rebel. I constantly complained to Dr. Donald and my mom: Get me out of here. I'm not LIKE them. These kids are FUCKED(ok so I didn't say THAT exactly but you know what I mean).
Mom, did hear me out: I was schedualed for discharge after weeks of extensive evaluation.
Then came my 13th birthday. It was lunch time, and rather than order(or settle) for their shitty ass hospital food, I said "Don't worry about it I'll eat when I get home."
"Why are you not eating?"
"Because this food is horrible."
"Eat. Now."
"Dude, don't sweat it. I'll EAT later"
"No. You will eat now."
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
Now, for those of you that are or have teenagers, this no longer cuts it. I needed justification, which, they were not cutting.
"Why can't I just eat later and you leave me alone?"
"Because I said so" said the Therapist. "Why are you giving attitude?"
"Because I said so..." I said defiantly, grabbing a Mountain Dew out of my backpack and popping the top. He took it from me("HEY!") and tossed it in the trash. "I'll order for you..."
and then he proceeded tog et from the cafeteria what was labeled "Shrimp" that was gross, and cold.
I , became pissed off.
End result? Dr. Pete RECCOMENDED TO MY MOM TO SCRAP MY DISCHARGE!
13 year olds usually go to camp in summer. Not me, I was STUCK IN A MENTAL WARD.
And now that I was 13, I was stuck with the other teenagers who were much older and had some serious EVEN WORSE problems: one was in and out due to repeated suicide attempts, another blonde chick(age: 17) had run ins with the law and drugs. Now being a pre-ad was starting to not seem so bad....
Finally, I was being discharged at beginning of August because we were moving to California, and the rest, is history.
Now that I am getting ready to be married and have my own family, I wills ay this: I love my mom, but there are some things that are hard to forgive.
If you think your child may have Learning disorders, get them checked out. And if your child is angry, upset, or disagrees, don't be afraid to hear them out, because BELIEVE ME it beats having your son or daughter spend their summer in a mental house.
Til next time,
Xander, out.
PS: I'm never having my kid put on ANY medication unless THEY ABSOLUTELY NEED IT: ritalin SUCKED!
Friday, August 6, 2010
I'm baaaack
So, I have been gone a while while the site was being maintained.
I say this, because here in the happiest loser blog, I tend to be not nice and I am completely unscensored in my thoughts(names may be changed) Piss me off? Chances are you will end up here. If something crazy happens, I'll write it. If you (the reader) want me to write something, I'll try and work it in. This is afterall, 50% reader driven.
So, in a far away land, a friend began telling EVERYONE about my Alter Ego as the happiest loser, and the stuff that I write(which can sometimes be offensive). Well, the wrong person found out about it, and for security measures I had to lock it down.
But, I'm back and some interesting updates have occured:
1. Though, I made a promise NOT to write about my family and the stuff regarding them, I have moved out.
2. Most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM -gleee- :-)
Thats it for now. I'll try and write more. Questions, Comments, Ideas, Blog ideas, Shot outs? Pitch them to me :-)
I say this, because here in the happiest loser blog, I tend to be not nice and I am completely unscensored in my thoughts(names may be changed) Piss me off? Chances are you will end up here. If something crazy happens, I'll write it. If you (the reader) want me to write something, I'll try and work it in. This is afterall, 50% reader driven.
So, in a far away land, a friend began telling EVERYONE about my Alter Ego as the happiest loser, and the stuff that I write(which can sometimes be offensive). Well, the wrong person found out about it, and for security measures I had to lock it down.
But, I'm back and some interesting updates have occured:
1. Though, I made a promise NOT to write about my family and the stuff regarding them, I have moved out.
2. Most importantly, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM -gleee- :-)
Thats it for now. I'll try and write more. Questions, Comments, Ideas, Blog ideas, Shot outs? Pitch them to me :-)
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Some Updates
So I have alot to write about. People keep pitching me ideas, or inspiring me ;-).
So, for now, I'll just throw some stuff out:
1. Anna Chapman, the "Femme Fatale" who pleaded guilty to Espionage on behalf of Russia, never emailed me back on facebook. The femme fatale, along with her fellow spies, pleaded guilty and are now part of a SPY SWAP dating back to the Cold War. Grand huh?
2. 4th of July was friggin' insanity, and it is a post in it's own right. Stay tuned!
3. Holy shit. Oakland is about to go up in smoke! This stems from Mehserle being found guilty of INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER and faces a MAXIMUM OF ONLY FOUR FLIPPIN' YEARS.
4. Remember the girl from Operation Nicaraugua? The one who got pissed at me for calling her on her BS and now has people out there who want to beat me up? Well, prior to her and I getting into a argument, I sent her a friend request on facebook. For reasons unknown, the other day she ACCEPTED my friend request. I sent her a email saying "You do know who I am, right?" No response.
5. A friend("RINO!") sent me a site that is filled with DEFLOWERING VIDEOS. If you don't know what that means, well then I'll tell you: it is one of the most gross acts I've ever seen and I am THANKFUL I have never taken a girls virginity. YEESH!
Til next time,
Xander,
Out.
So, for now, I'll just throw some stuff out:
1. Anna Chapman, the "Femme Fatale" who pleaded guilty to Espionage on behalf of Russia, never emailed me back on facebook. The femme fatale, along with her fellow spies, pleaded guilty and are now part of a SPY SWAP dating back to the Cold War. Grand huh?
2. 4th of July was friggin' insanity, and it is a post in it's own right. Stay tuned!
3. Holy shit. Oakland is about to go up in smoke! This stems from Mehserle being found guilty of INVOLUNTARY MANSLAUGHTER and faces a MAXIMUM OF ONLY FOUR FLIPPIN' YEARS.
4. Remember the girl from Operation Nicaraugua? The one who got pissed at me for calling her on her BS and now has people out there who want to beat me up? Well, prior to her and I getting into a argument, I sent her a friend request on facebook. For reasons unknown, the other day she ACCEPTED my friend request. I sent her a email saying "You do know who I am, right?" No response.
5. A friend("RINO!") sent me a site that is filled with DEFLOWERING VIDEOS. If you don't know what that means, well then I'll tell you: it is one of the most gross acts I've ever seen and I am THANKFUL I have never taken a girls virginity. YEESH!
Til next time,
Xander,
Out.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Peter, Jason, this one is for you.
So one day I was at my god family's house because they were out of town for the weekend. It was me, Justin, Mark, Peter and our friend Jason. A total "bro" weekend, filled with alcohol, beer, liquor, and alot of masturbation jokes. ANYWAY...
Justin and Jason one point got in a argument over something I can't remember but it was stupid.
Now, quick background: Justin is a big dude, and Jason is big too.
Justin is too stubborn to know he's instigating Jason and Justin is too stupid to know he's falling into Justin's bullshit LOL.
So, seeing this, and being the crazy one I am, I decided to intervene, with drastic measures.
You can probably see where this is going, if not, it's simple:
I get inbetween them, BITCH SLAP Jason across the face and say "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Everyone froze. Did he....?Did Xander...?...Just do...?
Yes.
Yes I did.
And after everyone was getting through the shock and awe of what just happened, Jason threw his fist forward into my ribs, and being 5'10 1/2 and skinny, I went flying THROUGH A DOOR(it was open, but cracked), still airborne, hit the ground, slid and halted. The next thing I knew, Jason was standing over me getting ready to punch my lights out and then Jason was pulled off by a laughing Mark, Peter and Jason. "Whoa dude ! EASY! COOL IT!"
I immedietly went into laughter. HYSTERICAL laughter. I was about to cry. "HOLY SHIT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT HAHAHAHAHA WAS FUCKING HAHAHAHA AWESOME"
As I laughed I could by now they were all surrounding me, staring down at me as I rolled laughing on the floor.
"is he ok?"
"I dunno..."
"well, I dunno, he seems ok. Look at 'em. He's just laughing his ass off."
Dude, it was something straight out of a cartoon or movie or JACKASS. It was CLASSIC! It would of been great youtube.
Til next time, Xander out.
Justin and Jason one point got in a argument over something I can't remember but it was stupid.
Now, quick background: Justin is a big dude, and Jason is big too.
Justin is too stubborn to know he's instigating Jason and Justin is too stupid to know he's falling into Justin's bullshit LOL.
So, seeing this, and being the crazy one I am, I decided to intervene, with drastic measures.
You can probably see where this is going, if not, it's simple:
I get inbetween them, BITCH SLAP Jason across the face and say "SHUT THE FUCK UP!"
Everyone froze. Did he....?Did Xander...?...Just do...?
Yes.
Yes I did.
And after everyone was getting through the shock and awe of what just happened, Jason threw his fist forward into my ribs, and being 5'10 1/2 and skinny, I went flying THROUGH A DOOR(it was open, but cracked), still airborne, hit the ground, slid and halted. The next thing I knew, Jason was standing over me getting ready to punch my lights out and then Jason was pulled off by a laughing Mark, Peter and Jason. "Whoa dude ! EASY! COOL IT!"
I immedietly went into laughter. HYSTERICAL laughter. I was about to cry. "HOLY SHIT HAHAHAHAHAHAHA THAT HAHAHAHAHA WAS FUCKING HAHAHAHA AWESOME"
As I laughed I could by now they were all surrounding me, staring down at me as I rolled laughing on the floor.
"is he ok?"
"I dunno..."
"well, I dunno, he seems ok. Look at 'em. He's just laughing his ass off."
Dude, it was something straight out of a cartoon or movie or JACKASS. It was CLASSIC! It would of been great youtube.
Til next time, Xander out.
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Double Oh No
Sorry for the absence, I've been on vacation. Happy birthday to my brother!
-------
Ok, so today, I read this: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_doj_russia_arrests.
Done?
Ok. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
That Femme Fatale chick is facing a sentence of ONLY FIVE FLIPPING YEARS?
You know what that means right?
No?
Observe!
She has facebook right?
Well, I sent her this litle gem via facebook....
"Dear Anna AKA Anya,
You better pray to god a 5 year sentence is the least of your worries. Back before WWII, we used to execute people like you on a regular basis dating back to the Revolutionary War. May god(and our Anti Terrorist Courts) have mercy on you."
I know, I'm mean.
But, I wouldn't be here if I was nice.
and like I said, her good looks and deceptive ways will only go so far....
Til next time,
Xander out.
-------
Ok, so today, I read this: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_doj_russia_arrests.
Done?
Ok. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!?
That Femme Fatale chick is facing a sentence of ONLY FIVE FLIPPING YEARS?
You know what that means right?
No?
Observe!
She has facebook right?
Well, I sent her this litle gem via facebook....
"Dear Anna AKA Anya,
You better pray to god a 5 year sentence is the least of your worries. Back before WWII, we used to execute people like you on a regular basis dating back to the Revolutionary War. May god(and our Anti Terrorist Courts) have mercy on you."
I know, I'm mean.
But, I wouldn't be here if I was nice.
and like I said, her good looks and deceptive ways will only go so far....
Til next time,
Xander out.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Adventures of El Gymnasio
So I've been going to this locally-owned gym.
And it's been quite the adventure in itself.
For starters, I go in the mornings mostly around 10-11:30ish. This some stuff I just observed that y'all might find funny.
#1: THE OLD GUY FARTED
So I was in one of the rooms working out my triceps when this old skinny dude walked in. It was just us. Well, he sat down at the chest press machine nearby and began his work out.
I didn't think anything of it til he got up and walked past me and I was then hit square in the face with the most PUTRID ODOR EVER!
It was like....Baby Dysentery combined with Old Rotting Flesh. I stopped mid workout and looked at the guy like I was going to die.
Then he turned, saw my facial expression, and shot me a look like "It wasn't me, it was you!"
Omigod. It was disgusting! I wanted to throw up, but for some reason did not. I'm not kidding or exagerating: this guy farted!
#2: THEY CAME FROM THE MENS LOCKER ROOM
Right now, the Men's Locker Room is disgusting. I'm not even going to try and describe what it smells like.
But even worse, is a problem that plagues me that is even worse: Naked people.
Seriously, I don't want to die into detail, but guys, there is something called a Towel. Learn it, use it. I DO NOT want to see your naked ass under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I don't care if you are a old, skinny, fat, or cut like David Beckham, have some common decency.
No joke, I see these guys prancing around as naked as the day they were born. Jeez!
Do these fuckers think they are impressing anyone?
Well they aren't impressing me, BHLEH.
Til next time,
a very disturbed Xander, out.
And it's been quite the adventure in itself.
For starters, I go in the mornings mostly around 10-11:30ish. This some stuff I just observed that y'all might find funny.
#1: THE OLD GUY FARTED
So I was in one of the rooms working out my triceps when this old skinny dude walked in. It was just us. Well, he sat down at the chest press machine nearby and began his work out.
I didn't think anything of it til he got up and walked past me and I was then hit square in the face with the most PUTRID ODOR EVER!
It was like....Baby Dysentery combined with Old Rotting Flesh. I stopped mid workout and looked at the guy like I was going to die.
Then he turned, saw my facial expression, and shot me a look like "It wasn't me, it was you!"
Omigod. It was disgusting! I wanted to throw up, but for some reason did not. I'm not kidding or exagerating: this guy farted!
#2: THEY CAME FROM THE MENS LOCKER ROOM
Right now, the Men's Locker Room is disgusting. I'm not even going to try and describe what it smells like.
But even worse, is a problem that plagues me that is even worse: Naked people.
Seriously, I don't want to die into detail, but guys, there is something called a Towel. Learn it, use it. I DO NOT want to see your naked ass under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. I don't care if you are a old, skinny, fat, or cut like David Beckham, have some common decency.
No joke, I see these guys prancing around as naked as the day they were born. Jeez!
Do these fuckers think they are impressing anyone?
Well they aren't impressing me, BHLEH.
Til next time,
a very disturbed Xander, out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
