For all my friends and co-workers who have kids:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OW0A6L9kx4c
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Adventurer's Blood: A Father's Day Tribute
Ok so my dad is shady. But he wasn't ALWAYS shady. He used to be very very cool.
I know why I am on this constant quest for adventure, and thirsting for action: Because
get it from him.
See, my Brother got the "Techie Geek" side of my Dad, but I got the "Adventure" side.
He used to load my brother and I into the car when we'd go to visit my mom's mom and we'd
drive deep into the North Carolina or Virginia Mountains, stop at backwood mini marts and
load up on soda and chips and candy and go hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
It didn't end there: Colorado, New Mexico....Dad took Chris and I all over the place.
If they had mountains, you could bet Dad would drag my brother and I out there.
And we didn't use trails all the time. We'd go trekking off road!
So in honor of the Memory of Dad, Chris and I's crazy adventure, I looked back
at all those adventures whilein Central America and began to analyze what inspires me
and what I love most:
-My Dad(duh)
-Indiana Jones
-James Bond
-Tin Tin
-Hardy Boys(To V.R. from work: SHUT UP!)
-Gabriel Knight....
So now that I am back in the US and close to becoming married, I am going to get off
my ass and have a good summer by going on THE ULTIMATE QUEST!
See, Santa Cruz and the Bay Area is FILLED with Crazy Weird Stuff: tales of ghosts,
legend, history, the forbidden and the unknown!
I intend to find it all! Teaming up with some Ghost Hunter friends of mine(http://www.facebook.com/#!/home.php?sk=group_161651793899913)I am going to go to these places, take pictures(and maybe video!), and write about the journey and my findings.
To do so, I am adding a NEW SECTION to the Happiest Loser Blog...
THE SHADOWHUNTER TALES
Coming Soon To a Happiest Loser Blog Near You!
I know why I am on this constant quest for adventure, and thirsting for action: Because
get it from him.
See, my Brother got the "Techie Geek" side of my Dad, but I got the "Adventure" side.
He used to load my brother and I into the car when we'd go to visit my mom's mom and we'd
drive deep into the North Carolina or Virginia Mountains, stop at backwood mini marts and
load up on soda and chips and candy and go hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains.
It didn't end there: Colorado, New Mexico....Dad took Chris and I all over the place.
If they had mountains, you could bet Dad would drag my brother and I out there.
And we didn't use trails all the time. We'd go trekking off road!
So in honor of the Memory of Dad, Chris and I's crazy adventure, I looked back
at all those adventures whilein Central America and began to analyze what inspires me
and what I love most:
-My Dad(duh)
-Indiana Jones
-James Bond
-Tin Tin
-Hardy Boys(To V.R. from work: SHUT UP!)
-Gabriel Knight....
So now that I am back in the US and close to becoming married, I am going to get off
my ass and have a good summer by going on THE ULTIMATE QUEST!
See, Santa Cruz and the Bay Area is FILLED with Crazy Weird Stuff: tales of ghosts,
legend, history, the forbidden and the unknown!
I intend to find it all! Teaming up with some Ghost Hunter friends of mine(http://www.facebook.com/#!/home.php?sk=group_161651793899913)I am going to go to these places, take pictures(and maybe video!), and write about the journey and my findings.
To do so, I am adding a NEW SECTION to the Happiest Loser Blog...
THE SHADOWHUNTER TALES
Coming Soon To a Happiest Loser Blog Near You!
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
ME FOR PRESIDENT
This was posted on the SF-Bay area "Rants and Rave" section on Craigslist:
-----------
I noticed as of recently, that ever since even BEFORE I could vote, the United States Government has YET to do a SINGLE THING that makes me happy. This country now sucks. Our country is broke, and we’re too worried about being “PC”.
But if I was president, things would go different and heres why: I’m one of those that doesn’t care if something I do or say offends people, as long as what I do/say proves a point or accomplishes a objective. And let’s face it sportsfans: If you are on TV or in view of the public, eventually you are going to offend someone, and there will be ALWAYS someone who doesn’t like you.
SO HERE IT GOES:
1. Abortion would be legal as far as the united states is concerned. Yeah, I said it, and here is why: I see WAY too many stupid people having kids(my sister in law being one of them), dooming the kid for all eternity. Don’t believe me? Watch an episode of Maury or Jerry Springer.
2. Outsourcing to foreign countries such as India or China: I will put a fucking stop to that shit. Back in world war II, I don’t think we really outsourced for anything, it was all about the union.
3. Speaking of which, that is a problem The United States has: we have lost the interest of whats best for OUR nation in the LONG RUN. We are too concerned with keeping everyone INSIDE and OUTSIDE happy.
4. Afghanistan: Quit pussy-footing around. I’ll outline a whole new strategy which is: bomb their asses into fucking submission and send every hard hitter I got with ass kicking in mind, into Afghanistan/Pakistan until Bin Laden and his dickhead friends are caught. None of this hearts and minds bullshit. The tribal nomads don’t give a fuck about our modern ways, and they never will, and its best for them anyway.
5. Speaking of which, Clint Eastwood will be my Secretary of Defense. We need an ass kicker when it comes to war, not some sleazy politician. Besides, who is going to argue with the guy who made the Smith and Wesson .44 Magnum famous?
6. If you are in Senate or Congress, if I catch you taking bribes or misappropriating funds, I will on Live TV seize that money, and donate it to the AMERICAN-based Charity of the nations choosing by Internet vote. Sorry “Save the Children of Congo”: that’s American tax dollars money.
7. If we can’t afford it as a nation, Tax Dollars won’t pay for it.
8. Foreign Policy: Ok. You want foreign policy and diplomacy? You don’t fly to India and take the prime minister to a nice lunch and then out to golf. You take him to a damn strip club, with a bottle Crystal or whatever the fuck he drinks, buy him a lapdance and give him $1,000 USD spending money. Then you can negotiate anything out of ‘em. It’s not that complicated. A man’s weakness is usually tits and ass.
9. Secretary of Agriculture: Cheech!
10. If you are female and under 17 you will NOT wear thong underwear or show cleavage.
11. In fact, if you are under 18, female and pregnant your kid will be aborted or adopted REGARDLESS. You are NOT capable of being a good mom, no matter how much you say it. You are a dumbass minor who made a dumb fuck decision which resulted in a mistake.
12. Felons: Yes, you CAN serve in the military UNLESS you are a Mass-murderer, Sex offender, or sick-fuck. Criminals tend to be very resourceful, smart, and innovative and if they want to kill people might as well do it for the US Government. Put Charles Manson in Afghanistan and he’ll make soldiers out of the women and he’ll kill Bin Laden for being a false prophet. Trust me…OH AND they can win back their right to vote once they serve their term in the military.
13. CENSORSHIP: I’m all for free speech/expression, but if you are Nancy Grace who makes a media outrage out of missing white girls, then a secret service agent should be able to go up, put a gun to your head and tell you to shut the fuck up.
14. Death Penalty: all for it. Heck, if they RAPE and/OR MURDER a CHILD then THEY SHOULD BE SHOT IN THE HEAD. How’s THAT for Cruel and Unusual? And if you think that’s “Cruel and unusual” then expect to be shot in the leg and be told to shut the fuck up.
15. You know those people who protest soldiers funerals? Exile.
16. Secretary of State: Megan Fox. THAT’ll get their attention…
17. WAR: I know I touched base on this a bit but seriously. Hearts and Minds don’t do shit. Keen strategy, moving right for a objective, the right mentality, and some serious firepower win wars. Hearts and Minds = A country full of people who are trying to kill you….with a brand new school built by American Tax Dollars.
I was born in Virginia and raised in the south so I can say this: You want to win a war? Ask General Sherman. Or Patton. Or Macarthur. Look at the Civil War: we cut supply lines and bombed their asses into submission. Sherman came through with a message: you support the confederacy, you will pay. We are coming, you better fucking run. World War II. D-Day. Countries banded together with the objective of wiping out evil and we hit them HARD and we kept GOING. The term “we brake for nobody” comes to mind. And you didn’t have to worry about innocent civilians or women in children too much: they knew what was up, and they either ran or hid, which was fucking smart. Somewhere after Korea the US adopted this policy of Police Actions and Humanitarian efforts and Hearts and Minds. Fuck that shit. Howabout KICK FUCKING ASS! Look at Japan: We bombed their asses BACK TO THE STONE AGE ALMOST and ya know? They haven’t fucked with us since.
18. IN: THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE IN SCHOOLS OUT: Teen Mom, Skins, 16 and Pregnant.
19. IMMIGRATION: Uh….this ones iffy because I have a fiancee from Central America…WAIT DO NOT FLIP OUT YET: She’s hot, she is educated(going for Bachelors in Business Management), she’s SANE, she’s not pregnant, no kids, AND she can legitimately work AND we’re doing it THE LEGAL WAY. She’s not going to be taking Construction jobs or anything like that(She wants to sell houses in Real Estate). Think spanish version of Emma Watson. Yeah see? Told you she was hot.
20. THE DEBT: Yeah we gotta switch currencies unless China decides “yeah don’t worry about it. Debt erased. Just buy me another lap dance and you got a deal.”
21. GITMO AND HAVING PRISONERS OF WAR TRIED IN CRIMINAL COURTS: No. No no no. No no no FUCKING NO. They are PRISONERS OF WAR. That means WAR TRIBUNALS. And get moving. Every day these Suicide bomber wannabe fucks sit in puke, its TAX DOLLAR MONEY WE DO NOT HAVE. Either kill him, kick ‘em out, but JEEZ COME ON! And remember the Pirates of Somolia? It didn’t need to be that complex. Just grab the little puke, drop his Somolian Pirate ass in Sierra Leone and let them sort him out(“But he’s only 17! That’s Cruel and Unusual?” “Yeah well he should of thought about that BEFORE he took American Hostages.”)
22. MY PARTY: THE ASS KICKING PARTY.
Until next time...
Xander, out.
------
For this and more, go to my website at happiestloser dot blogspot dot com.
NOTE: Questions? Comments? Ideas? Praise? Hatemail? Email me. Don't just post a "re:" on craigslist. Post a "re:' on craigslist and forward it to me. I NEED FEEDBACK DAMNIT!
-----------
I noticed as of recently, that ever since even BEFORE I could vote, the United States Government has YET to do a SINGLE THING that makes me happy. This country now sucks. Our country is broke, and we’re too worried about being “PC”.
But if I was president, things would go different and heres why: I’m one of those that doesn’t care if something I do or say offends people, as long as what I do/say proves a point or accomplishes a objective. And let’s face it sportsfans: If you are on TV or in view of the public, eventually you are going to offend someone, and there will be ALWAYS someone who doesn’t like you.
SO HERE IT GOES:
1. Abortion would be legal as far as the united states is concerned. Yeah, I said it, and here is why: I see WAY too many stupid people having kids(my sister in law being one of them), dooming the kid for all eternity. Don’t believe me? Watch an episode of Maury or Jerry Springer.
2. Outsourcing to foreign countries such as India or China: I will put a fucking stop to that shit. Back in world war II, I don’t think we really outsourced for anything, it was all about the union.
3. Speaking of which, that is a problem The United States has: we have lost the interest of whats best for OUR nation in the LONG RUN. We are too concerned with keeping everyone INSIDE and OUTSIDE happy.
4. Afghanistan: Quit pussy-footing around. I’ll outline a whole new strategy which is: bomb their asses into fucking submission and send every hard hitter I got with ass kicking in mind, into Afghanistan/Pakistan until Bin Laden and his dickhead friends are caught. None of this hearts and minds bullshit. The tribal nomads don’t give a fuck about our modern ways, and they never will, and its best for them anyway.
5. Speaking of which, Clint Eastwood will be my Secretary of Defense. We need an ass kicker when it comes to war, not some sleazy politician. Besides, who is going to argue with the guy who made the Smith and Wesson .44 Magnum famous?
6. If you are in Senate or Congress, if I catch you taking bribes or misappropriating funds, I will on Live TV seize that money, and donate it to the AMERICAN-based Charity of the nations choosing by Internet vote. Sorry “Save the Children of Congo”: that’s American tax dollars money.
7. If we can’t afford it as a nation, Tax Dollars won’t pay for it.
8. Foreign Policy: Ok. You want foreign policy and diplomacy? You don’t fly to India and take the prime minister to a nice lunch and then out to golf. You take him to a damn strip club, with a bottle Crystal or whatever the fuck he drinks, buy him a lapdance and give him $1,000 USD spending money. Then you can negotiate anything out of ‘em. It’s not that complicated. A man’s weakness is usually tits and ass.
9. Secretary of Agriculture: Cheech!
10. If you are female and under 17 you will NOT wear thong underwear or show cleavage.
11. In fact, if you are under 18, female and pregnant your kid will be aborted or adopted REGARDLESS. You are NOT capable of being a good mom, no matter how much you say it. You are a dumbass minor who made a dumb fuck decision which resulted in a mistake.
12. Felons: Yes, you CAN serve in the military UNLESS you are a Mass-murderer, Sex offender, or sick-fuck. Criminals tend to be very resourceful, smart, and innovative and if they want to kill people might as well do it for the US Government. Put Charles Manson in Afghanistan and he’ll make soldiers out of the women and he’ll kill Bin Laden for being a false prophet. Trust me…OH AND they can win back their right to vote once they serve their term in the military.
13. CENSORSHIP: I’m all for free speech/expression, but if you are Nancy Grace who makes a media outrage out of missing white girls, then a secret service agent should be able to go up, put a gun to your head and tell you to shut the fuck up.
14. Death Penalty: all for it. Heck, if they RAPE and/OR MURDER a CHILD then THEY SHOULD BE SHOT IN THE HEAD. How’s THAT for Cruel and Unusual? And if you think that’s “Cruel and unusual” then expect to be shot in the leg and be told to shut the fuck up.
15. You know those people who protest soldiers funerals? Exile.
16. Secretary of State: Megan Fox. THAT’ll get their attention…
17. WAR: I know I touched base on this a bit but seriously. Hearts and Minds don’t do shit. Keen strategy, moving right for a objective, the right mentality, and some serious firepower win wars. Hearts and Minds = A country full of people who are trying to kill you….with a brand new school built by American Tax Dollars.
I was born in Virginia and raised in the south so I can say this: You want to win a war? Ask General Sherman. Or Patton. Or Macarthur. Look at the Civil War: we cut supply lines and bombed their asses into submission. Sherman came through with a message: you support the confederacy, you will pay. We are coming, you better fucking run. World War II. D-Day. Countries banded together with the objective of wiping out evil and we hit them HARD and we kept GOING. The term “we brake for nobody” comes to mind. And you didn’t have to worry about innocent civilians or women in children too much: they knew what was up, and they either ran or hid, which was fucking smart. Somewhere after Korea the US adopted this policy of Police Actions and Humanitarian efforts and Hearts and Minds. Fuck that shit. Howabout KICK FUCKING ASS! Look at Japan: We bombed their asses BACK TO THE STONE AGE ALMOST and ya know? They haven’t fucked with us since.
18. IN: THE PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE IN SCHOOLS OUT: Teen Mom, Skins, 16 and Pregnant.
19. IMMIGRATION: Uh….this ones iffy because I have a fiancee from Central America…WAIT DO NOT FLIP OUT YET: She’s hot, she is educated(going for Bachelors in Business Management), she’s SANE, she’s not pregnant, no kids, AND she can legitimately work AND we’re doing it THE LEGAL WAY. She’s not going to be taking Construction jobs or anything like that(She wants to sell houses in Real Estate). Think spanish version of Emma Watson. Yeah see? Told you she was hot.
20. THE DEBT: Yeah we gotta switch currencies unless China decides “yeah don’t worry about it. Debt erased. Just buy me another lap dance and you got a deal.”
21. GITMO AND HAVING PRISONERS OF WAR TRIED IN CRIMINAL COURTS: No. No no no. No no no FUCKING NO. They are PRISONERS OF WAR. That means WAR TRIBUNALS. And get moving. Every day these Suicide bomber wannabe fucks sit in puke, its TAX DOLLAR MONEY WE DO NOT HAVE. Either kill him, kick ‘em out, but JEEZ COME ON! And remember the Pirates of Somolia? It didn’t need to be that complex. Just grab the little puke, drop his Somolian Pirate ass in Sierra Leone and let them sort him out(“But he’s only 17! That’s Cruel and Unusual?” “Yeah well he should of thought about that BEFORE he took American Hostages.”)
22. MY PARTY: THE ASS KICKING PARTY.
Until next time...
Xander, out.
------
For this and more, go to my website at happiestloser dot blogspot dot com.
NOTE: Questions? Comments? Ideas? Praise? Hatemail? Email me. Don't just post a "re:" on craigslist. Post a "re:' on craigslist and forward it to me. I NEED FEEDBACK DAMNIT!
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